Bridge to Nowhere

Ah, government. Sometimes you really suck ass.

I don’t need to tell you that here in ‘Merica our infrastructure is in a dismal state. Trains are derailing. Roads are crumbling. Bridges are crumbling. (Yes, I used crumbling twice. It’s not my fault lots of things are crumbling.) If we bought one less military helicopter and 10 less toilet seats, we could probably repair or replace every bridge in South Jersey. Especially this one:


This is the bridge that spans Townsends Inlet. It connects the Seven Mile Island (Avalon and Stone Harbor) with Sea Isle City. The bridge is in bad shape and has been for years. The road to the bridge crumbled (yeah, I said it) after Sandy, so the bridge was closed for months while the road was repaired. Last summer, the bridge needed more support for heavier trucks to cross, lest they fall through and float away. Or sink, more likely. So it was closed again for months. This year, they closed it for more repairs and now it’s scheduled to be closed into the summer.

This, my friends, is a disaster. Our friend and WBTU teammate, Snarky G., lives on the other side of that bridge. So do training buddies Tina, Shannon, and the Hausers. I like to run to Sea Isle City from my house because the roads are less cambered and the people are less snooty. There is a CVS in SIC where I get all of my drugs and eye shadow. There is a bakery in SIC that sells phenomenal sticky buns. I repeat. This is a disaster.

The only other way to get from Avalon to SIC is to go off the island, get on the GSP, and get back on in Sea Isle. But I can practically see Snarky’s house from mine. I think we clocked it at a little over a mile using the bridge. That’s beach cruiser easy.  The other route? Ten miles.

My mother always said to me, “Don’t bring a complaint in one hand without a solution in the other.” (She also said, “There’s no advantage to being the second asshole in the room. Sometimes, you need to just shut up.” That’s one I should learn, live, and stitch on a freaking pillow.) Anyway, here are some of my solutions. I made some sketches:


Some kind of bicycle-powered airplane


A ferry of some sort

zip A zip-line


A floating pick-up truck

These are just some ideas. After looking at them again, they are not very good.

Come on, government. Get your act in gear. Team WBTU has big plans for the summer. Lots of swims, rides, runs, and donuts. I’m sure you have really important things to do, like avoiding fiscal cliffs and ensuring gridlock and, well, shutting down other bridges. (I’m looking at you, Governor Christie.) But if you don’t fix the bridge, then we are going to have to attach Snarky G. to a weather balloon to get her cross the inlet every time the team gets together.

I should probably sketch that out.

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