It was just a few days after Christmas and my daughter Kelly, who was just shy of four, asked me what my New Year’s revolutions were. I laughed and said, “I think maybe the Russian and the Industrial this year.” And she said, “That’s good, Mommy!”
Choosing a few historical revolts is about as useful as stating resolutions, at least for me. I’ve only ever stuck with one. Four years ago, I decided that I would try to remove meat from my diet, and except for an annual cheeseburger, I’ve stuck with that. Otherwise, it has been a pointless exercise.
BUT NOT THIS YEAR!
This will be my first new year as The Mediocre Triathlete. I probably always was the Mediocre Triathlete deep down inside, just as Bruce Wayne was always Batman deep down inside. Even before he built the Batcave and bought all of those nifty gadgets. Sometimes I wish I was Batman. And I always wish I was Spiderman. Every single day.
Since it’s my first TMT new year and since 2014 is dwindling quickly, I am going to get a leg up on this thing and write my New Year’s resolutions right here and now so you guys can hold me to them, maybe even help me. So, without further ado, here are my 2015 NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS AS THE MEDIOCRE TRIATHLETE:
You know how you go to the dentist, and the hygienist asks you if you floss, and you say, “Uh, floss? Yeah sure, I floss.” Meanwhile, the inside of your mouth looks like a Dexter episode. This year, I will respond, “FLOSS? HELL YEAH, I FLOSS! EVERY DAMN DAY!” To which the hygienist will reply, “I could totally tell.”
- Quit smoking.
I have always admired people who tell me they’ve quit smoking. Cold turkey, the patch, the gum-no matter how they did it, it’s always cool. It has been a lifelong goal for me, but I’ve always been so busy that I haven’t even had time to start smoking, let alone quit. So January 1, I will buy a carton of cigarettes, smoke them all, get good and addicted, and then quit.
- Wear matching socks.
I have 9 pairs of Islandman socks, 4 pairs of Cedar Island swim socks, and some Tim Kerr 7 Mile Island Run socks. They are ALL DIFFERENT COLORS. All too often, I just grab two mismatched socks. It upsets the Race Director tremendously. I admit it; I’m sock-drawer lazy. In 2015, no more.
- Help the Sixers win the Eastern Conference.
I have some ideas.
Since this is (at times) a blog about triathlon, I should probably have some triathlon-related resolutions:
- Run a spring half marathon.
I have a left butt cheek full of cortisone and a new pair of shoes. What else could I possibly need? I’m contemplating the CGI Rutgers half. LEGGGOOOOO.
- Swim a spring 5K.
I think there is one in Atlantic City. It should keep me focused in the pool this winter.
- Ride from home to the shore.
I want to do this several times. I just need company. Any takers?
- Sleep in more and train less.
You may think this one contradicts numbers 5, 6, and 7, but hear me out. There have been incredible discoveries recently in the field of theoretical physics. There are worm holes and black holes and maybe even the possibility of time travel. It’s worth a shot.
Wish me luck. I feel good about the socks. The rest is a crap shoot.