NATIONAL DONUT DAY!!!!!!!!!

WARNING! THIS POST HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TRIATHLON.

vitamin donuts

I’ve had these.  They’re not bad.

Stolen from Wikipedia:

National Doughnut Day started on June 7, 1938 when a young military doctor by the name of Morgan Pett was sent to a military base. On his way there he stopped at a bakery and picked up 8 dozen doughnuts. When he arrived at the base he started helping many wounded soldiers, and would give them a free doughnut.

Before I go on to discuss my complicated relationship with holed pastries, I need to say that I hope they paid good money to the third grader who wrote this Wikipedia entry.

Truth be told, I don’t eat that many donuts.  I’m not throwing them back everyday while slurping coffee.  Sugary treats make me sluggish and mentally confused, and after too many of them my pants don’t fit.  But for an occasional breakfast treat, what’s better than a donut?

cropped-donuts-and-champagne2.jpg

 Cream-filled gems from Kohler’s Bakery in Avalon, NJ.  Best served with champagne.

It’s the All-American circle of fried dough! It’s the breakfast cake for everyone! Croissants are pretentious, and danish are too big.  And both make a xenophobe very uncomfortable.  But what about bagels, you say? Bagels are breakfast circles, too.  First of all, who asked you? (Maybe someone should get their own blog. Sheesh.)  Second, bagels require a decent amount of work, what with all the slicing and the toasting and the schmearing. They can also be a lunch sandwich vehicle, thus muddling the picture.  And muffins, well everyone knows that muffins are bad for you.  It’s the simplicity of the donut that makes the formula so elegant:

homer donut

This guy is onto something.

It’s funny.  Once I declared my love for donuts, they seemed to permeate every facet of my life.  Friends began sharing their donut stories with me.  Some of the stories, quite frankly, were a little too raw and personal and at times made me feel uncomfortable.  But that’s what donuts can do to people. And I started seeing them everywhere.

In murals:

donut mural

This place was next to the hotel where I stayed before Chesapeakeman.  I took it as a good sign.

In high fashion:

donut pants

 Chanel, I believe. Sexy and delicious.

Falling from the sky:

Donut-Day-Graphics-89

Actually, I may have dreamed this.

So let’s gooooo! It’s time to celebrate! Today is National Donut Day! Go buy some donuts! (Or “doughnuts”, as Mary Kate O’Leary spelled it in her third grade theme paper for Sister John Robert.) For friends! For family! For co-workers! For your group ride! For your masters swim class! You’ll be the most popular, most loved person around.  Everyone has a built-in excuse to eat donuts today.  It’s a national holiday, for crying out loud!

Just take some advice from experienced donut eaters.  Here are the Avalon swim team’s “Donut Consumption Guidelines”:

  • one donut is a good idea,
  • two donuts are a great idea,
  • three donuts are a bad idea,
  • six donuts are a disaster.

swim

Seriously, don’t eat six.  Second row, second from left.  Just ask him.

And nothing goes better with a fresh donut than champagne.  But if this is frowned upon in your work place, or maybe your Donut Day celebrations involve toddlers, may I suggest fresh milk?

fresh milkIn this case, maybe milk was a bad choice.

 

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