Next Sunday, I will compete at the Escape the Cape Triathlon in Cape May, New Jersey. Sunday, June 8th is jam-packed with lots of great events:

  • a sprint triathlon,
  • an international triathlon,
  • an aquabike,
  • a kids’ race,
  • maybe some relays,
  • probably a dance-off,
  • hopefully a three-legged race/beer chug competition,
  • unlimited smack talk (directly from the ETC website).

Delmo Sports is the organizer, so I know that this event will be awesome, amazing, and over the top.  I’ve competed in over a dozen Delmo events (once as a guy named George), so I speak from experience. Escape the Cape is an incredible way to start the triathlon season.

I am training for it. Actually, that should read: I am training for it?  I think maybe I am.  At least I am giving the illusion that I am training for something.  I certainly have a lot more dirty laundry and there are half-empty bike bottles everywhere, so those are good signs.  The 2014 plan is to race myself into shape. Since ETC is the season’s first race, it may be a very ugly day for this mediocre triathlete.  Besides, how do you train for THIS:


If you haven’t heard, the Escape the Cape Triathlon starts with jumping from the back of the Cape May-Lewes Ferry into the Delaware Bay and swimming back to shore.  (Ferry fare is included with your registration. I know you were wondering that.)  Last year I competed in the inaugural race.  I was there and I took that leap.  It was the coolest thing I’ve ever done in my boring little sheltered life.  I told Mr. Race Director that I would have paid just to jump from the ferry over and over again.  This photo is of a 2013 pre-plunge me. I am kneeling on the chip mat to ensure my chip was detected.

Notice the genuflect-type kneeling.  Almost like when praying in church.  That was no accident.

I am really looking forward to this year’s race for the following reasons:

  • All of my friends will be there.
  • I get to jump off the ferry again. This year, I plan to push my way to the front, distract the first group of racers by pointing into the water and saying something like, “OH MY GOD THERE’S A SHARK!!” or “THAT LIFEGUARD LOOKS LIKE KIM KARDASHIAN!!”  Then, when everyone is good and distracted, I plan to jump in first.
  • There will be Escape the Cape Pale Ale from Cape May Brewery at the finish.

Everything in between the jump and the beer will be a struggle due to injury, illness, plagues, polar vortexes, and ill-fitting clothing from way too many winter donuts. (FYI, winter donuts have more calories than summer donuts. It’s been proven. By science.)  But I am okay with all of that, because remember: I embrace mediocrity. I live and breathe it.  I wrap it around me like a warm blanket, or a loose-fitting tunic, or even an expansive muumuu.


Again, too many winter donuts.

Hopefully I will see you at ETC on June 8.  Say hi and I’ll buy you an ETC Pale Ale. (Actually, I’m going to ask the real Race Director, Bridgette McCulley Summa, if I can celebrity bartend, so I’ll sneak it to you for free.) If not, stop back here after the race for an epic TMT Race Report.



9 thoughts

  1. A while back I noticed your wit in replies to JK, been a closet fan since, guess this means I’m coming out? Perhaps I’ll meet you somewhere between the Cape and the Escape this weekend…


    1. Happy closet liberation! And Happy Donut Day! Thanks for the kind words. Look for me toward the back of the ETC pack this weekend. It’s gonna be ugly. 🙂


  2. OK – you are funny!! Now, don’t go quitting your daytime job to take up blogging as a career. I would miss you and the Friday donuts.


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